i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
