i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
