Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
