i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
