you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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