it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
