This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
