Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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