I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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