You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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