you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
