I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
