I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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