Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
