god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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