My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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