for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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