My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
