Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
