i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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