Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
