Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
