I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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