Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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