you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize