I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
