Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
