Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
