I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
