I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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