I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
