someone threw a dead crab at me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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