That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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