a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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