Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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