I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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