Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
