He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
