please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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