i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
