Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
