oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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