just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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