if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
