i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
a search helicopter?!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
