Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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