wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
