ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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