Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
