I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your penis caused this!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize