awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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