the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize