when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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