Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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