Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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