his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
