I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
