I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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