Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize