fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize