what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
