I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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