girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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