shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
