At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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