we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
