Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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