I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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