I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i've created a new STD.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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