I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
