i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
