Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
is it fun? or sober?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
