I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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