You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
