maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
