our cab driver is having phone sex.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
