Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
